"I left my body and watched from the ceiling as it was all too much to handle" Schwartz 2013
I’ve always been fascinated by what makes someone want to be the bottom for a gang bang and by that I mean, to not only have it as a fantasy but to actually live it out in the era of AIDS. To be submissive to a bunch of sexually charged, aggressive men who want to abuse you and unload in your mouth or ass. They don’t care what you look like or if you have a kind and loving heart, just that you’re willing to give them pleasure.
When I was single, I would get get high with tricks and they would talk about their sexual experiences from childhood through adulthood. In my head, I would process how their childhood experiences with older men would shape their adult desires to be submissive and overwhelmed by another man or groups of men.
This image was derived from a combination of nightmares from a childhood I barely remember and the past few years of living in a monogamous relationship where I’m constantly being rejected sexually. The rejection fuels my desires into weirder, darker fantasies where the men don’t care how out of shape I’ve gotten or what proportion of my hair has fallen out. They just want a warm body to satisfy them and just for that one moment, I feel good about myself.